Getting to know the person behind the art has always been really interesting to me. It's a little awkward though, now that I'm here writing about myself.
But hi, my name is Jayne :o) and I've been drawing for as long as I can remember. Drawing was the most accessible form of art for me. In school, I remember using crayons and colored pencils being really, really exciting for me.
In kindergarten, we were given a "get to know you" sheet of sorts, and there was a little box where we were tasked with a self-portrait. This is a core memory for me; this is the day I fell in love with art. Maybe the memory is a little blurry, but I have this self-portrait, and when I look at it I am met with both the memory and the feeling of freshly discovering where I could place my potential.
After that day, I drew every day at school and art began to follow me everywhere that I went. I was always the class artist, I was always drawing on all of my assignments, and bringing my drawings from home to work on at school, or just to show my friends and teachers. Art was always something that made me proud of myself, proud of what I could do.
Anime has always been a leading artistic inspiration for me. My dad put my brother and I on at a very young age, and I was basically raised on it. As I child I recall watching anime and just thinking "this is peak art, this is how I want to be able to draw". I would always pause what I was watching and draw the screen, or ask someone to print off pictures of my favorite characters so I could draw them.
When I was in third grade I was in an art class, just regular elementary school art class. I had a teacher and honestly, we didn't mesh. Despite this, he recognized that I had a talent for art and more importantly, a passion and a drive to create; he could tell it made me happy. He reached out to my mother and explained that in the following years, he had ambitions to launch his own art program for middle and high schoolers. He encouraged my mom to bring me and have me audition.
Guys, I remember this day like it was yesterday. This was truly the first time in my little artist life where I would be putting myself out there, and I wouldn't realize how formative this experience was until many years later. I was so so so anxious and I remember pouring my heart out into my portfolio at the time. Drawings at school, drawings at home, staying up late to add details. I wanted it to be perfect! I went with my childhood best friend and we auditioned together, we were both accepted.
My time in this program, was foundational to who I am as a creative. Although the program was pretty unorganized and certainly had its cons. There were teachers, and behind those teachers there were real-life artists.
My teacher, my mentor, Mr. Digioia, taught me so many things about not only technical skill, but he also passed on a lot of wisdom to me in regards to maintaining a healthy mindset as a creative, and embracing what it means to be an artist. To this day, I carry a lot of the things he said to me deep in my chest, and for me, he acts as a reminder, as a leading motivation for me, to ensure I make things work with my art. It's important to me that one day I make him proud.
Although I had always found myself in artistic places, for the first time in my life, I was in a somewhat professional artist setting. I was doing artist statements, class critiques, collaborating with my peers, using OIL PAINTS. I really enjoyed the resources I had and I really enjoyed the creative community that came with this newfound setting.
I started working, and of course, art followed me to my jobs. I would draw on receipts, bring my sketchbook, come in with my hands covered in paint. For me, being an artist is impossible to hide, and it certainly attracts conversation. Throughout both my educational and (separate) professional career, I have always been met with faces telling me I need to do something with my art. That I am so blessed to have found something I love so much, that I have a talent and I need to take advantage of it.
In high school, I really started to struggle with my mental health. I kept drawing. COVID hit during my sophomore year, and I was also dealing with some serious family issues; my mental health really started to decline. I kept drawing, but it felt empty; I had no intention with my art. I also really fell into self-doubt, art wasn't really something I felt proud of anymore, and I thought it would be such a waste of time to try and put myself out there. I got wayyyyyy too hard on myself, and it really put a dent on my art.
There are so many concepts and pieces I started that I think back on like "that was so fire, that was such a good idea" and then the memory of those pieces, those concepts, are immediately followed by the memory of me crumbling those drawings up into a ball and throwing them in the garbage.
It hurts my stomach to reflect on all of the hours I poured straight into the garbage, it really does. Keep your art, even if you don't like it in the moment.
Until I was 20 years old, I failed to acknowledge what I really want. I have always known I want to be an artist. It was cute, when I was little and they asked me "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I would always excitedly proclaim "I want to be an artist!". However, when I got a little older, this answer became less charming to the adults in my life. The responses I would begin to receive really impacted my belief in my capabilities.
For a while, I said I wanted to be an architect, then for a while I said I didn't know, for a bit I said I wanted to make clothes, and then back to I don't know. After having a soul-crushing identity crisis at the ripe age of 20 years old, I tried going to school to be a lawyer. I wanted to help people get their green cards, and I did really really well. But there was an underlying understanding that I did still want to be an artist, and I found myself thinking "what am I doing, why am I wasting my time" mid-assignment way too often.
I was at work, on my break and I was just laying on a pallet, thinking about school, art, and work. I don't know what it was, but I decided to stop going to school, because I need to be an artist. The next term came and I never scheduled classes. I haven't been back since.
Ever since I stopped going to school, I have devoted the majority of my time to making art, however that looks. I have taken on a variety of new skills to keep my brain entertained. Art is not just visual and I think adjusting my mindset and the way I view myself from a visual artist, to a creative in general has made my life a lot more fun.
I like to draw, I like to paint, I like to sew, I like to airbrush, I like to screen print, I like to write poetry, I like to make music, I like to do makeup, I like to make clothes, I like to record, I like to edit. I love being creative, I love nurturing my creative muscles and it's even more fun to flex them.
Being an artist, is who I am and it's such a shame I tried to dilute this part of myself for so long. So now, I am here to make up for lost time, I'm here to show my teeth and prove what I can do. Not for anyone else, but for the little kid who looked in the mirror and said one day.
Art has always followed me, but now we walk together.
I'll do everything I said I would I don't know how, but you can't live expecting all the answers, I'll do it, even if I have to do it scared.
